Entry #8 ~Testing....testing....

(September 19th)

“Life is a test.  It was designed to be so.”  Richelle E. Goodrich

She’s the one who left for university.

She’s the one who had to pack up her room, move into the residence, and learn a new city.

She’s the one who is writing essays, researching authors, and taking classes.

So why does it feel like I’m the one who is being tested?

 It’s been three weeks since she left; she’s been back to visit (ok…well, do laundry) one weekend out of the past two.

She’ll be back again for a quick visit this weekend; we have a Tiger Cats football game to go to in Hamilton tomorrow night.

I’m sure there’ll be (a small amount of) laundry to do.

I’m sure we’ll go apple-picking out in St. George and take in the Apple Harvest Festival.

I’m sure we’ll both get along fine.

Until we don’t.

We’ve both gone through some interesting changes since she spread her wings and left the nest. I was surprised at how much had changed in the two short weeks she’d been gone during her first visit back home.

Even though the music had changed, we still fell into step doing the same old dance, the same old routine, the same old mother-and-daughter list of grievances and non-solutions.

It all worked out in the end, but it was an eye-opener and learning experience for both of us.

Brazilian lyricist and novelist, Paulo Coelho, wrote: “When we least expect it, life sets us a challenge to test our courage and willingness to change; at such a moment, there is no point in pretending that nothing has happened or in saying that we are not yet ready. The challenge will not wait. Life does not look back.”

I am perfectly ok with all of that, but I didn’t think the process would be so quick, so abrupt, once it started.

In fewer than three weeks, I have grown to enjoy my evening solitude, my clean house status, and my ability to come and go as I please without having to consider someone else’s schedule or needs.

In fewer than three weeks, she has started texting me less and less throughout the day, hasn’t asked to borrow the car, and is becoming already more independent.

Three weeks.

And the ‘looking back’ part? Not really.

Not unless thumbing through her baby book and grade school projects count.

If so, then yes.

But not really.

“Life is a test.  It was designed to be so,” said author Richelle Goodrich. “It is where we taste the bitter and the sweet; where we feel pain and pleasure; where we learn right from wrong; where we pass through both darkness and light.  It is a time to make choices.  And through this process we form our characters - some grand and glorious, some barely decent, and others just plain monstrous. ”

I like the sound of that; ‘forming our character’.

It doesn’t sound as challenging as ‘being tested’.

It doesn’t leave me feeling as panicked or stressed as the word ‘test’ does.

‘Character-building’ sounds far more progressive and positive in nature.

But make no mistake, my friends, there is a test.

Life is a series of lessons, and living your life is the test.

I like the way American author, John Green, put it: “The test will measure whether you are an informed, engaged, and productive citizen of the world, and it will take place in schools and bars and hospitals and dorm rooms and in places of worship. You will be tested on first dates, in job interviews, while watching football, and while scrolling through your Twitter feed. The test will judge your ability to think about things other than celebrity marriages, whether you’ll be easily persuaded by empty political rhetoric, and whether you’ll be able to place your life and your community in a broader context. The test will last your entire life, and it will be comprised of the millions of decisions that, when taken together, will make your life yours. And everything, everything, will be on it.”

Parenthood (a wonderful Steve Martin classic) has always had the ability to make me laugh, make me cry, make me wonder, and make me think. Maybe it’s about time for me to dust off the old VHS tape hiding in the cupboard, grab a blanket and some popcorn, and curl up some lonely Saturday night to watch it again.

After three of the longest short weeks I’ve ever experienced, I’ve come to the conclusion that it really doesn’t matter if I have studied and am well prepared, or if I decide that I’m just going to wing it. The most important lessons we learn tend to happen when life throws us a curve ball and we are faced with one of those surprise quizzes (also known as Baptism by Fire).

When it comes to the tests we face in life, there are two things to remember: All questions are multiple choice, and, when all else fails, the correct answer is ‘all of the above’. Somewhere, somebody understands what you’re going though, and they’ve come through it and out the other side.

I miss both of my girls.

I really do.

But I’m also smart enough to know and having fun discovering that you can’t miss something or someone if they’re in front of you all the time. You don’t have to leave the nest in order to fly the coop every now and then….

Here’s to all of us empty-nesters who know deep down that the nest isn’t really empty as much as it is ‘selectively occupied on an on-going basis’…